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Bad news, but then my day was made better by the fact my partner is amazing!

You know that feeling when you just know something isn’t right but you’re not sure what – you just can’t quite put your finger on it. Well that was my morning. I just felt down and out of sorts and really kind of eurgh.

Breakfast was 2 slices of Kingsmill 50/50 crusts away with 10g of Bertolli light and a Dolce Gusto cafe au lait – a grand total of 169 calories. I don’t have some weird aversion to crusts, they just didn’t have my usual bread when I went shopping and this was the only low cal bread that was reasonably fresh.

Lunch wasn’t anything exciting either, thought it did taste great. I had a Tesco Chicken Tikka ready meal – 354cal, a Greek yogurt with Cherry compote – 81 cal and a Dolce Gusto Cortado – 26 cal = 461 calories.

I then got the news this afternoon that a dear family friend had passed away. We knew it was imminent – she was originally told she wouldn’t make it to last Christmas and ended up buying her kids and grandchildren’s present back in July in preparation. It still came as a shock though and it still feels so sudden. I sort of stumbled through the rest of the afternoon and if you ask me now what I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข

Tea time came around and I realised I needed to pick myself up and crack on. My partner was due home from work and he always walks through the door starving. So out came the Gousto ingredients

It was a super simple meal to cook as most of the ingredients were just mixed up together in a bowl, ready to be poured on later. The rice was microwaved which meant I just had to do the green beans and the fish in the pan, along with the stuff I’d mixed earlier and thus we had – Steamed miso fish with brown basmati rice – 471 calories! This is how it turned out

After tea my fella gave me a huge bag of goodies that he had been into town to get me as a well done for losing 13.5 lb last week. He just wanted me to know how proud he was of me, not for losing the weight as such but for saying I wanted to do something and then doing everything in my power to achieve it and for laying myself bare on the internet for the world to see (well the few people who follow me anyway ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚).

The first bag he gave me was absolutely stuffed with goodies to pamper myself – face masks, foot masks, eye masks, bath bombs, jelly bombs, bath confetti and some little fruity rubber ducks to keep me company in the tub ๐Ÿ›€ ๐Ÿฆ†

My second bag contained some fabulous little bits to add to my ever growing Harry Potter collection (it’s taking over the house). These items definitely meant the most to me as they came from Primark. Now I know that may sound a little silly, but if you’ve ever ventured into our store you will see instantly how busy it is, even on a week day. You see, my partner struggles with ADHD and mental health problems and crowds send his anxiety into overdrive. Because of this he absolutely despises having to go into Primark so to know not only had he gone in but he had done it alone……..I’m in awe of him. He’s an absolute superstar and I really don’t know what I ever did to deserve him. I do know though that he has loved me at my absolute worst and he truly deserves me at my best.

After tea I really needed some comfort food. In the past I would have ordered hot waffles and cookie dough with ice cream, chocolate sauce, caramel spread and lashings of cream to be delivered to my door (remember in a previous post when I said I lived in one of the unhealthiest towns in the country! Sometimes I think I was solely responsible for keeping the dessert bar in buisness๐Ÿ˜‚). Tonight though I headed straight to the freezer – I’d anticipated a time like this and was ready……I’d already stocked up on Halo Top and Breyers ice creams! I made myself a huge bowl of jelly and ice cream – 1 cal for the jelly and I had a double portion of Halo Top Birthday cake flavour ice cream – 140calories. Who knew you could have a bowl like this for 141 cals ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Now I’m going to lie in bed and binge watch some Netflix (I was going to watch Harry Potter on the tv but I really can’t cope with Dumbledore dying right now) whilst remembering what a beautiful, amazing person my fella is and reminding myself not to smother him with a pillow when he starts snoring like a warthog with a blocked nose ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

Back to my Mon-Fri routine and feeling safe again!

I’m sure my migraine yesterday was caused by my anxiety about the weekend . I woke up this morning still feeling a little delicate but my mental health was back in balance. The security I feel from knowing it’s Monday and that means it’s 5 days to myself and I can follow my plan easily is beautiful.

This morning I told myself I would try to make a point of eating breakfast this week as I missed it so many times last week from either being to busy or just not feeling hungry and completely forgetting about it. So I made myself a massive bowl of fruit and tipped a yogurt on top – a super tasty breakfast in seconds (and if you ask me, better than a fry up) 217 cals. ๐Ÿ“ ๐ŸŒ ๐Ÿ‡

On to lunch and I was still so full from all that fruit that I didn’t realise it was lunchtime until almost 2pm. I grabbed a Tesco ready meal out of the fridge that was about to go out of date. Chicken, potatoes, carrots, peas and gravy – 257 cals. I fancied something a little sweet so I had a Curiously Cinnamon cereal bar – 103cals and of course my coffee – 26 cals = 386. Once I get this diet underway properly I should probably look into how much caffeine I drink and try to work on it.For tea we made one of the Gousto meals we had delivered this afternoon. We had chosen one meal that was slightly higher in calories than I would normally choose but it was still well within my daily allowance. We made the chicken and spinach pesto pasta – 621 cals. Wow, it tasted amazing and was soooo filling – there was no way I was going to finish the bowl. It was super easy to make and only contained 6 ingredients. You could easily change up a couple of the ingredients too if you wanted to save more calories – something I will be doing next time I make it as I will have purchased the ingredients myself. I’ll switch out the soft cheese for quark, the Italian hard cheese for low fat cheese and the pesto for a low fat version.

A little tip if you like cheese is to grate it on a zester instead of a cheese grater – it comes out very fine and goes much, much further. Because it’s so fine it tricks your mind into thinking you are having a lot more than you actually are. We used to go through a block a week when we grated on a cheese grater. Now we use the zester that same block will last over a month as grating just 20g is more than enough for 2 people when on a salad or baked on top of lasagne/ pasta etc.

If you do fancy giving one of the Gousto boxes a go then use my referral for some exclusive discounts – I love Gousto and I think you will too! Use code DANIE16626998 to get an exclusive 60% off your first box, PLUS 30% off for a whole month.

So today I’ve had 1300 calories in total. Now I’m off to have a chamomile tea and do a bit more of my Harry Potter jigsaw (oh yes, I’m a mega Potterhead โšก๏ธโค๏ธโšก๏ธ)

Gousto box

I decided to do things a little differently this week and order a Gousto Box. I’ve had them in the past and loved them. The meals are always super tasty and I’ve tried so many things I would never have tried otherwise. I also love that I’m usually in the kitchen on my own but as soon as that box arrives on the doorstep, my partner is in the kitchen with me. He loves unpacking the box (a weird little thing of his – he loves parcels, in fact I order him things secretly from time to time just so he has a parcel to open ๐Ÿ˜‚). But he also enjoys cooking the meals with me as you get a recipe card for each meal and they are super simple to follow and never have more than 8 steps! Gousto boxes have actually improved our relationship and brought us closer as a couple as we have so much fun in the kitchen ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’˜

I stopped ordering Gousto boxes over a year ago as they never seemed to have many healthy options but they have relaunched this year alongside health coach Joe Wicks and now offer a fabulous range of healthy options so I decided to order again. It arrived this afternoon and I wasn’t disappointed. I chose 4 meals from a menu of 30 and it’s great to know that all my food is locally sourced. Plus I’m not going to argue that after discount 4 meals for 2 people came to the grand total of ยฃ12.85.

If you want to give a box a try then my referral is at the bottom of this post. With my code you get a whopping 60% off your first box, plus 30% off any other boxes you order in your first month. You can cancel at any time too so if you just want to try the first box at 60% off it’s not a problem. You also get the option to skip deliveries, so if you look at the weeks menu and decide you don’t like what’s on offer but you still want more deliveries then you just skip the delivery for that week! You can select the day for your delivery too so you can make sure your home to receive it or you can choose to leave it with a neighbour or in a safe place if you’re not going to be home – all the refrigerated stuff comes in an insulated ice bag so stays chilled until you can sort it out.

I love Gousto and I think you will too! Use code DANIE16626998 to get an exclusive 60% off your first box, PLUS 30% off for a whole month.                http://www.gousto.co.uk

First weigh in…..

I’m so happy ๐Ÿ˜

13.5lb gone forever!๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ‘ Wow, I felt so good stepping off those scales. The most I have ever lost in a week during previous diets is 7lb so that’s the kind of number I was expecting today, but to see 13.5 was amazing. It’s certainly given me a confidence boost and will definitely spur me on for this week.

Only half a pound till 1 stone gone. 35 pounds to go to hit my first goal of being 250lb for my holiday in May – it suddenly feels achievable.

Why is it that my first thought when stepping off the scales was ‘well done, you deserve a reward’ and then I thought about all the places I would normally go for a treat and quickly realised I can’t go to any of them anymore – they’re all food places!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Guess I need to work on training my brain to think a little differently going forward.  I’ve decided I will reward myself for every stone I lose, with each reward getting a little bigger as each stone will get harder to reach. I’ve had my eye on a new book for a few weeks now so I’m thinking that will be reward 1 – hopefully I’ll be ordering it next week! ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿ‘Œ

Weekend survival

So this is how my weekend started ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

I was so busy trying to blog/ Instagram/ Facebook and do about 60 other things at the same time that I forgot my new coffee machine doesn’t cut off automatically like my old one did, resulting in coffee going all over the worktop and floor and me screaming at the machine and waking the neighbours up (who needs a lie in on a Saturday anyway). On the bright side I guess all the cleaning up will have burnt a few extra calories. However after all the cleaning, I just didn’t feel like having breakfast (wrong I know) so I just had my coffee and left the house.

So we finally made it into town and I was right – it was difficult to find somewhere decent to eat that sold healthy food. It didn’t help that within 5 minutes of parking up I had been dragged into McDonalds to watch my partner devour 2 double cheeseburgers ๐Ÿ˜ญ. I was well behaved and didn’t have anything. After a bit of shopping I remembered a little old fashioned cafรฉ my mum has taken me to since I was small, the entire dรฉcor including tables and chairs hasn’t changed in 30 years! Luckily they have kept up with evolving foods trends and actually had quite a few options available to me. I decided to go for the Ocean platter which was poached salmon, smoked salmon and prawns with salad, prawn marie sauce and bread (I threw away the butter as I didn’t want the extra calories) and it only came to 426 calories. I’m lucky the food was so good and so filling as my fella decided the cheeseburgers had only been a snack and decided to order a large hotdog and side of fries for his lunch.

How is it that literally every single person on my Facebook and everyone I speak to is on a new year, new me health kick, yet in the cafรฉ I somehow managed to sit amongst what must be the entire population of cake eaters – every single table had people sat devouring the biggest, yummiest slabs of cake, pastries and cream cakes I’ve ever seen. I decided to simply not look at anyone else and so I stared at my fish so hard anyone would think I was expecting it to grow fins and swim off my plate! By the time my plate was finished I was so full I didn’t care about anyone’s cake anymore – honest ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ‘Œ

By the time we got home I was absolutely exhausted (I have screws in my ankle that are causing issues and lots of pain). I couldn’t be bothered doing too much for tea but I remembered we had some jacket potatoes with cheese in the freezer that we got cheap from Morrison’s (love my yellow labels) so I got them out with some fajita chicken, peppers and onions. It came to 526 calories, was super quick to make and tasted way better than it looked. I decided I probably hadn’t actually consumed enough calories for the day and so I had a hot chocolate and a Squares rice krispie bar for supper, adding on 220 calories. Saturdays Grand total was 1222cals – that will do me fine!

Woke up this morning and I just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t work out what was wrong but I just felt out of sorts. I decided to crack on with my day and off I went to try and track down some bales of wood shavings for my guinea pigs. I don’t know what has happened but shavings are like gold dust around here at the moment. We managed to track some down 20 miles away so off we went. It got to 1pm and I suddenly realised that I hadn’t eaten anything yet and weirdly I wasn’t hungry. We decided to stop at the service station to grab something as I knew not eating at all wasn’t good and so I got a fillet rice box from KFC – 495cals. I didn’t manage to eat it all but I didn’t do too bad.

We arrived home and I sat down to start this post when suddenly my eyesight went funny. I knew straight away that I was getting a migraine and that’s why I felt out of sorts all day, so I curled up on the sofa and had a snooze whilst I tried to let the worst of it pass. I woke up able to see again but I’ve been left feeling sick and with a terrible headache ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿค•

I managed to make a chicken dinner for tea with my partners help. Roast chicken, Yorkshire puds, potatoes, veg and gravy – 510 cals. It tasted great and perked me up for a little while.

In all honesty, I probably didn’t consume enough calories today but I feel rotten and so I don’t really care #sorrynotsorry It’s 8:30pm and I’m off to bed.

So that was my weekend. My first week is complete and I’m both excited and nervous for my first weigh in tomorrow – I’ll let you know how it goes. Wish me skinny thoughts!

Only two more days till weigh in and worrying about the weekend.

I’ve done really well with my food this week. In fact I’ve found it really easy to stick to plan and have averaged between 1100 and 1300 calories per day. However it’s just hit me that the reason I have probably found it easy is because I’ve been at home on my own for most of each day. I’ve been able to occupy my mind doing things and haven’t had anyone around me eating naughty foods.

This is today’s food and has been typical of what I’ve had each day. I always struggle with breakfast – it’s around 10:30-11am before I get hungry, but I’ve been forcing myself to have just a little of something a bit earlier as I’ve had it drilled into me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I’ve managed to have a bit of fruit with my coffee each day. Lunch has been a health ready meal from Tesco (I’m still recovering from surgery and standing is very painful so I’m limiting cooking to one meal a day at the moment). Today’s lunch was prawn linguine, a Greek yogurt with cherry compote and another coffee (I’ve actually cut down by about 6 cups a day ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜œ). Tea was Sweet chilli turkey rice, which was made from scratch and only contained 479 calories. It took less than 10 minutes to cook and was super filling. I usually have a bag of hula hoops puft for supper but tonight I had a huge sweet craving so instead I had a 1 cal pot of jelly from ASDA and some Halo Top Birthday cake flavour ice cream (think I just found my new favourite ice cream- it’s so yummy I drooled over it and then licked the bowl clean….don’t judge me ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ˜‹) and all for just 71 calories.

I’m now starting to really panic about the weekend. I’m going into town shopping with my partner and usually we would grab some breakfast on the way – be it a full English from the cafe or a fat cake from the bakery. Then we’d have lunch somewhere (never healthy) and pick up some Krispy Kreme on the way home. Now I can’t do any of that and that doesn’t bother me in the slightest for myself but what about my partner? Should he go without because I have to? No he bloody well shouldn’t! But I know he will because he’s bloody amazing. The biggest issue though is that I cannot think of a single place to eat that would be healthy. I think I live in one of the unhealthiest towns in the country……..I know of fried chicken shops that have opened next door to another fried chicken shop, we have retail parks that barely contain any shops that aren’t fast food places. Even the places that should be healthy have so few options if you’re trying to count calories – it all seems to be aimed towards bodybuilders, high protein but also high calories.

I always have a problem finding drinks wherever I go, it’s been that way for years – although thanks to the sugar tax it is getting slightly easier. I’m diabetic so I always go for the sugar free version. After seeing what I used to eat you may wonder why I bothered with sugar free but for some reason the sugar in drinks seems to hit me harder than the sugar in food – perhaps because of the amount I drink per day (about 4 litres in total). Anyway, unless you’ve also been looking for sugar free alternatives you may not realise the struggle. Almost all establishments only offer Diet Coke/ Pespsi or water. Not great choices if you’re trying to avoid caffeine and don’t like plain water. I’ve never understood how there are so many sugar free options in the shops yet restaurants/pubs never stock them. There’s Fanta, Tango, Vimto, Irn Bru, Lilt to name a few. Even shops don’t seem to stock them in their fridges – they are full of full fat, high sugar versions but if you’re trying to watch what you put in your body then you have to buy the lukewarm piss versions of the shelves! In an age were more people are watching what they eat/drink than aren’t, you’d expect it to be the other way round really.

Well enough of my ranting. Let’s get back to my point…..the weekend. I’ll manage to grab a tiny, overpriced sandwich from somewhere and be on my merry way but what about the rest of the weekend. I’ll have to deal with watching my partner eat all the things I want to have but can’t. I’m certainly not going to ask him to deny himself – he has no need to. I’ll have to watch friends eat and drink and tell them I’m happy drinking my flavoured water (which I am), but I’ll have to laugh along and pretend I’m not missing necking that bottle of wine and scoffing all that cheese and pizza (whilst slowly dying inside ๐Ÿ˜‚) ๐Ÿท ๐Ÿง€ ๐Ÿ•

Please God tell me it gets easier. I’m refusing to weigh myself until Monday morning as I don’t want to fall into the trap of daily weigh ins and then being disappointed when the numbers don’t go down, so that means I haven’t even got a loss yet to spur me on and pull me through. Still I’m determined and I guess in the end my will power is all that matters.

I didnโ€™t realise how badly I ate.

I didn’t realise how bad my diet was until I took this images that I’ve posted on my Facebook account.

I honestly used to wonder how I got so big when I didn’t eat that often. Every story I’d read about someone’s transformation always started with how much they used to eat – 5 bacon butties, a packet of biscuits, 3 pizzas, a multipack of crisps and 3 litres of coke a day – you know how it goes. I’d read the stories and look at my stomach and wonder what was going on – I only ate at meal times and didn’t really snack. Plus I always chose the sugar free option when buying fizzy pop and I’ve never had sugar in a brew.

I now realise how deluded I was ๐Ÿ˜ฑ. After collating the images I see what I was eating. Cake for breakfast, a ridiculous sized burger, fries and a milkshake for lunch then a pub meal or a take out for tea followed by ice cream. Some days I’d go all day without food then go to an all you can eat restaurant and eat about 3 days worth of calories in one go.

Thankfully I’ve realised now and can make a change before it gets completely out of hand. So this week it’s been fruit for breakfast, a healthy ready meal for lunch ( I know it should be something homemade but I’m still recovering from surgery and I can only stand long enough to cook properly once a day). I’m making a cooked from scratch healthy meal for tea. I’m also making sure I drink more water so that’s helping to keep me feeling full and is stopping me from snacking too much.

Tonight’s tea was the first one I’ve actually remembered to take a picture of before devouring it (by not snacking, boy am I ready to eat by my meal time ๐Ÿ˜) Chicken schnitzel with a garlic topper, green beans and lemon potatoes. Wow, it was so good and only 467 calories and 5.4g fat.

I’m still shocked that I can feel so full from so few calories. When I ate badly I would feel full immediately but then I’d start feeling hungry again after an hour or so – I guess that was all that nasty sugar and processed rubbish. This week I’ve eaten so little yet because it’s the right foods I’ve stayed full more much longer.

It really does pay to eat well…….if only I’d listened to all the people telling me that 200lbs ago. Hindsight is a beautiful thing ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ